"Ciao again!" Welcome to another pure extra-virgin issue of "Only In Italy!"

This issue is dedicated to all the foreigners who have racked their brains trying to open a business in Italy. You're not alone. Here's a hug.

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Milan - August 20, 2010 - The fate of a rooster whose early morning crows have irked neighbours and made him a celebrity in a northern Italian town is to be decided by a decibel test.

It will be carried out at the end of this month by Italian animal rights association AIDAA to settle a dispute between the bird's owners, who live on the ground floor of an apartment block at Villa di Serio near Bergamo, and the inhabitants of the apartment above.

The owners have promised that the rooster will not end up on a dinner table even if AIDAA says the screeching is beyond acceptable levels.

They said they will find him a new home, which should not be hard given that the story has made the animal something of a local star.

Its life has been colourful from the beginning. The owners bought it in the hope of having a regular supply of fresh eggs and gave it a female name, Pia, only to realise later it was not a hen.

Media attention, animal rights association, decibel tests..."per favore." It's so great to see the Northern Italians go to great lengths to resolve such a moronic dispute. We can almost imagine a member of the association sneaking up to the rooster with a microphone.

Such an incident would never occur here in the South and we're surrounded with all sorts of farm animals. If the cacklings of a rooster would ever get out of hand, one or more of following actions could happen:

- the rooster would "disappear" or meet an untimely death,
- the complaining neighbor would "disappear",
- the rooster's owner would "disappear",
- the rooster and the owner would "disappear",
- the rooster, its owner, and complaining neighbor would all "disappear".
- the complaining neighbor and rooster owner would "disappear" and the estate would be left to the rooster.

By the way, based on our expertise on raising chickens, Bergamo (near Milan) does not have the ideal climate to raise chickens. Hens stop or slow down laying eggs in the winter months. The shorter days would also trigger a slow down, together with the cold temperature. So, in order to keep hens laying all winter, artificial light would have to be used to equal 14 hours of light per day.

And the hens are going to experience a hard time finding their way back to the coop in all that foggy weather.

Rome - August 19, 2010 - Italy is the second worst among big economies for the drag red tape has on its firms, the small-business association Confartigianato said Thursday.

Only Greece fares worse in the world's top 30 economies while worldwide Italy is in 78th spot, the organisation said.

Catanzaro, Rome and Campobasso are the worst places to set up and run a company while Ravenna, Reggio Emilia and Prato are the most business-friendly, the survey said.

Red tape costs Italian manufacturing, construction and service-sector firms some 16.629 billion euros a year, or about 1% of GDP.

Of this cost, 76.3% is borne by firms with less than ten workers, Confartigianato said.

Anyone who has spent an extended time in our country or moved here to create a so-called "new life" knows that our system can be frustrating, tiring and a pain in the ass. To open a business is daunting enough without wading through reams of complicated and useless paperwork pertaining to tax, law, lifestyle, and culture.

We have all read lovely novels where some person landed their dream job, established a brilliant business overnight and relocated to Italy with simple effortless ease and many it would appear, achieved this without the legal know how. The truth is the wind was whistling through the writers' heads as they were writing these novels. So, let's close the windows and get a dose of reality:

Current labor regulations in Italy are so abundant that no one can even give a precise number. "Porca l'oca", how are we supposed to comply with rules we don’t even know about. At least half the statutes currently in force have to be abolished, as their only effect is to create confusion. And if we knew what the other half were meant for...we'd win $64,000!

Moreover, it takes on average 696 days to dismiss a lazy and incompetent "figlio di puttana, "cacasodo", "scassapalle" worker in Italy compared to only 19 days in the Netherlands.

Business owner: "I have to fire Ignazio."
Labor Union: "Why? He has rights."
Business owner: "He's more irresponsible than himself, paces himself like a slug...the list goes on and on."
Labor Union: "Explain this list."

(681 days later...)

Business Owner: "What? Ma vaffanculo, no-no! If we were in the Matrix he would also have been fired, and the machines would have ripped him out of his cocoon and flushed him down the sewer."
Labor Union: "Why?"

Florence - August 19, 2010 - A police hunt to catch a tiger in the hills around Florence has so far produced no big cat but has caught three thieves.

Combing the undergrowth where the animal was said to have been sighted Monday, Carabinieri on Thursday came across a trio of skulking men. The owner of a local villa told police he had scared them away from his property the night before.

The three attempted to try again but police ran them down and arrested them. One of them turned out to be a nephew of the villa's owner.

As for the tiger, the hunt that began Tuesday has found no trace.

Police, forest guards, dog teams and helicopters are still patrolling forests while chunks of wild boar have been left in cages and speed cameras positioned on trails the animal is believed likely to take. But none of the meat has been eaten and none of the cameras has caught a glimpse of the elusive animal.

A panther hunt triggered by sightings in the same area several years ago was eventually called off after the feline failed to appear.

Florence's museums, palaces, and churches house some of the greatest artistic treasures in the world. It's the home of Michelangelo's "David".

From April to October, the tourists outnumber the local population. But who knew Florence also attracted dangerous African animals nearing extinction? Looks like one is going to have to rethink their travel packing list:

1.) Tarzan

2.) Designer camouflage

3.) Mosquito net for my head

4.) Spotting scope: It is extremely dangerous to buy from African abusive street sellers for there's a law in Italy which forbids to buy their fake products. The spotting scopes come in handy for keeping an eye out for the police who shoot down tourists with 1500 Euro or ($1900 USD) fines.

5.) Knife: Comes in handy if you intend to do some skinning, game butchery, or slicing fresh fruit and vegetables which you can buy in a supermarket for 1.00-1.50 Euros a kilo (rather than pay 4 Euros for an apple and orange in the cafes).

6.) Malaria tablets: Stay clear of Via Tornabuoni and Via Vigna Nuova areas of Florence where one can be lured into the sleazy shops of Prada, Armani, and that vicious poacher of Italian fashion, Roberto Cavalli. If one is on a tight spending budget, then purchasing in these shops can bring on malaria like symptoms such as mild nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, trouble swallowing, or vaginal yeast infection.