Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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"Goodbye My Beautiful Mercedes, I Will Always Love You"

(03/02/12)

 

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"Vooooooolare!"

Hey lovely readers, live life to the fullest. No matter how hard the times, remember that a cask of wine will work more miracles than a church full of saints.        

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,             
"Only In Italy" Staff      


No Casualties and Rioting Despite USA Soccer Win Over Italy

Rome - February 29, 2012 - The USA soccer team shocked Italy on Wednesday as Clint Dempsey's second-half goal gave the Americans their first ever victory over Italy's Azzurri in 11 meetings.

Dempsey became only the fourth American to score against Italy when he fired past Gianluigi Buffon in the 55th minute, and the US clung on for a memorable win in the friendly international.

It is Jurgen Klinsmann's fifth victory in 10 games as US coach and will also serve as personal revenge for the former Germany great after losing the 2006 World Cup semi-final to eventual champions Italy when in charge of the German national team.

Italy almost snatched a draw in stoppage-time when Riccardo Montolivo's effort flashed past the right upright. It is the Azzurri's first defeat in Genoa since 1924.

On behalf of Italy and the Italians we would like to sincerely thank the Americans for behaving in a refined and gentlemanlike manner over this historic win, even though you had much of a chance of winning as Elvis did.

"Si", soccer is a popular activity...but this does not mean it has any value. As far as we're concerned, this activity doesn't affect us one iota! It doesn't interfere with our lives in the least.

And its fans are the most irrational people in the universe. A stupid goal is scored and the first instinct that comes to the minds of jackass fans? Let's trample each other! "Vaffanculo!"

Much to our surprise, Italy had woken up the morning after the loss to find a peaceful and bloodless atmosphere. No livestock stampeding down the highways and the Tower of Pisa was not turned upside-down and stuck into the ground.

Personally, we think the USA win took our fans by surprise and they were too shell-shocked to violently react. Regardless, for those of you who did not understand the shenanigans that were going on at the game in Genoa let us enlighten you:

When Italian fans cheer...it has NO purpose. They successfully pushed the USA team's offense to call timeouts, use up the play clock, screw up audibles and cause penalties. They sang incoherent songs (which all sound the same) regardless of the outcome. Their cheering did not celebrate performance. It did not serve to intimidate. It has NO purpose.

Soccer has NO purpose.

 

Italians Bid Their Luxury Cars A Tearful Goodbye

Rome - February 29, 2012 - Wealthy but worried Italians are selling off their Porsches, Ferraris and other luxury cars at a record rate to avoid the scrutiny of tax inspectors.

Many of the supercars are being exported through dealers to France, Germany and Austria, while others are ending up in South America and Eastern Europe.

Second-hand vehicles are being snapped up for re-sale by entrepreneurs from Poland, Ukraine, the Czech Republic and Moldova.

Owning a high-powered BMW or Mercedes has become an unwelcome sign of noticeable wealth ever since a much-publicized crackdown by Italy's tax police, the Guardia di Finanza, on the exclusive ski resort of Cortina d’Ampezzo at Christmas.

Tax inspectors traced the owners of 133 Lamborghinis, Ferraris, SUVs and other top-end cars that they found parked in the streets of the resort, a playground for the wealthy in the Dolomites.

They found that 42 of the owners (nearly a third) had declared incomes of less than 22,000 Euros ($29,000 USD) a year. A further 16 claimed to be earning less than 50,000 Euros ($65,500 USD) a year.

Police in Milan, Rome and other cities have carried out similar checks, taking down drivers' licenses and number plates and passing them onto tax authorities, who check whether the owners' declared incomes are sufficient to support their extravagant lifestyles.

In Florence, tax police stopped a brand new Mercedes and found that it was driven by a builder who declared no tax returns at all and whose wife was on welfare payments.

Last year, around 60 used Porsches were exported from Italy each week. That figure has now jumped to around 200.

Some owners are so scared of running into spot checks by the tax police that they are asking dealers to come and collect their cars at home.

"One client was scared of driving 10 kilometers from his house to here," Lorenzo Schiatti, who owns a Jaguar and Land Rover dealership in Reggio Emilia, northern Italy, told a national newspaper. "He was afraid that he'd be stopped by a Guardia di Finanza checkpoint."

"We don't have definitive numbers because it is difficult to quantify but it looks like thousands of cars are leaving Italy each month," said Sirio Tardella, the director of Unrae, an association of foreign car manufacturers.

Filippo Pavan Bernacchi, the president of Federauto, an association representing dealerships, said owning a luxury car had become "almost a crime" in Italy these days.

"Super" Mario Monti, Italy’s prime minister, has made a priority of clamping down on tax evasion since he replaced Silvio Berlusconi in November. He needs to whittle away at Italy’s 1.9 trillion Euro public debt, amid concerns that it could go the way of Greece.

But the challenge is enormous. A recent government study estimated that Italy’s black economy, which includes evasion of income tax and VAT, amounts to 275 billion Euros a year, or 17.5% of GDP.

"Porca puttana", after reading this story, did you also get the incredible urge of putting on a hula-hoop and swinging it around for 30 minutes?

"In Florence, tax police stopped a brand new Mercedes and found that it was driven by a builder who declared no tax returns at all and whose wife was on welfare payments." Nice job of being discreet, "faccia di culo?" He was just like Liberace saying, "I don't want anyone noticing my clothes."

In the 2008 fiscal year:

- Restaurant owners declared an average net income of 13,800 Euros ($18,000 USD). That's an average of 38 Euros ($50 USD) a day. That means when the restaurants are full, two customers pay and the rest make a run for it out the back door.

- 1 out 4 helicopter owners declared an average net income of 20,000 Euros ($26,000 USD). Obviously, the "testa di cazzo" can afford a helicopter seeing that he's not paying restaurant bills.

- Yacht owners declared an average net income of 1,500 Euros ($2000 USD) a month...which happens to be the average monthly rent for yacht space down at the port. That means that the owners are not eating for all their money goes towards rent. You'll sometimes see these "figli di puttane" pull up and drop anchor in front of soup kitchens.

- Night club owners declared a lost average of "negative 6000 Euros" (-$7,800 USD). That means when kids order a rum and coke or a mohito, the bartender also gives them 20 Euros.

Ah, for the love of Dio, Italian Heaven has got to be a place where these people don't exist!

 

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30 Phoney Invalids Arrested In Naples

Naples - March 01, 2012 - Italian police on Thursday arrested 30 people in Naples accused of claiming false invalidity benefits since 2004 to the tune of more than four million euros.

Police said another 47 people were under investigation in the case.

Judges have ordered assets of the alleged culprits to be seized to help pay back the money.

Eh?! Just 30? What a "cazzata"! It can't be!
Add a couple of zeros and you'll still be way off!

And to have gotten away with this since 2004? What's going on here? The Naples police crack teams don't know how this monkey business starts? You get one Napolitano who cashes in on the benefits, brags to everyone on his street and before you know it, a mysterious endemic breaks out among a dozen Napolitani.

"'Fanculo", you could throw a rock and hit 7 deaf, blind and cripple suspects. That's Napolitana reality, folks.

Example: A fat Napolitano who claims to be blind does not make sense.
He's blind...but he's finding his way to the refrigerator and cooking the 5 course Napolitani meals. Come on, your honor, it's easy to see right through them. Instead of his nose growing, his stomach grew. Sort of like Pinocchio gone haywire.

Most of these Napolitani who are convicted for crimes are guilty of something. Yes, sometimes, we convict them for the wrong crimes but, "porca Eva", believe us. They're guilty of something!

You're not going to find the Napolitano Ironside here where someone confesses:
Suspect: "Per favore, please, I swear I did not commit this crime."
Ironside: "Yes, but you committed plenty of other crimes, didn't you?"
Suspect: "Well, 'si'...you got me there.

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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