Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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June 2007
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  "Mario, Your Mafia Morning Zookeeper"

(06/18/07)

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Buon Giorno e Buon Estate! Welcome to the only newsletter that asks the question, "Is it part of our DNA that we wear sunglasses inside and after dark?"

Regarding the article on, 1/4 Of Italians Risk Depression, I am American born, with all Italian roots. My depression comes from ignorant people ridiculing us. One manager I worked for said "We know all you Italians are mob-connected and Mafia-related". It has made me sick. In addition, the U.S. has created Federal laws prohibiting this kind of remark, especially in the workplace. Aurilie

Thanks for the letter, Aurilie!

On a serious note, our news staff would never make fun of serious ailments like depression. After all, we are all directly and/or indirectly inflicted by this disease. What we don't appreciate are healthy Italians who use the excuse of depression to con their way out sticky situations as those little rats on scooters do in Naples.

Of course, life is difficult all over this planet and southern Italy is no exception. But it's our sense of humor and the ability to ridicule ourselves that keeps us sane, our characters strong and the will to survive. So, let's ridicule ourselves and have a good laugh!

By the way, can you explain to us what Federal laws are? We Italians have heard of such a myth but never believed they existed. The only law we are aware of that is totally respected and enforced is what exact temperature gelato should be served.

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,             
"Only In Italy" Staff      


Mobster's Secret Passion Of Philosophy

Palermo - June 16 - Anyone who finds The Sopranos far-fetched, who thinks it impossible that gangsters could lead normal private lives while murdering and extorting, might care to reflect on the latest finding by anti-Mafia investigators in Palermo.

Shortly after 9am on Wednesday police discovered the lifeless body of Nicola Ingarao. The reputed leader of the Porta Nuova clan of Sicily's Cosa Nostra had been shot repeatedly in the chest.

Detectives found to their astonishment that Ingarao had been taking a university philosophy exam the day before he was murdered. He had sat at a desk in a room with dozens of other students as they grappled with the issues raised by the Italian idealist school. Pietro Di Giovanni, a professor at Palermo University, said Ingarao would have got an excellent result.

He described the thick-set mobster as having a courteous manner, adding that "like so many people who decide to go to university as mature students, he was very pro-active".

Ingarao's lawyer, Riccardo Russo, said he had been inspired to study after reading the Old Testament Book of Wisdom during a nine-year sentence at the Pagliarelli jail in Palermo. The gangster had enrolled in the course from prison and started classes soon after his release in February.

Anti-Mafia investigators believe that Ingarao was a key figure in a faction loyal to the jailed "boss of bosses" Bernardo Provenzano. They are concerned his assassination could spark a battle for supremacy.

Not that such questions were discussed between the university's most unusual student and those guiding his intellectual development. Professor Di Giovanni said Ingarao had said he owned a toy shop.

"I think, Porca Troja, therefore, I am!"

We're all here, no matter what we are; we're all searching for the truth like Nicola did and trying to make it through this world. Correct?

Albert Camus: "The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind."
The need for a convicted mobster to openly attend Sicilian college courses is the sign of a wacky mind.

Aristotle: "For example, justice is considered to mean equality, it does mean equality but equality for those who are equal, and not for all."
This is the response you will receive from Italian magistrates when you ask why a dangerous philosophical mobster is at school and not permanently behind bars.

Dr. Samuel Johnson: "We must either outlive our friends, you know, or our friends must outlive us; and I see no man that would hesitate about the choice."
Mafia members never know who the hell is going to outlive who (friends, family, a horse), you know, and no mobster will hesitate about whacking a fellow mobster that they are ordered to whack.

Edgar Allen Poe: "I don't suffer from insanity but enjoy every minute of it."
Nicola the mobster suffered from insanity but the Mafia made sure he would stop enjoying it.

 

Police Shut Down Alleged Mafia Radio Station

Naples - June 15 - Police closed down a mafia-run radio station they say was being used to broadcast secret messages to imprisoned members through song "dedications."

"The illegal station, set up by a clan of the Camorra (the Naples mafia) at Ercolano (ancient Herculaneum) broadcast 'requests' for Neapolitan songs with dedications, which in reality were messages to clan members who tuned in while they were in jail," police reported.

"Some of the songs and dedications were a prearranged code to mafia gangsters at large," police added.

The closure was part of a crackdown involving 54 arrests in the south of Naples on charges of drug trafficking, extortion and murder.

"Police confiscated mafia properties, seven armored vehicles and video surveillance systems, as well as the offices and equipment of the radio station," police further reported.

"Buooooon Giorno, Napoli!" "The nation's largest garbage producers!"

"I'm Mario, your morning zookeeper, and welcome to WMOB!"

"It's 80 degrees outside but with the garbage smell factor it feels more like 105!"

"It's Tuesday so, WMOB gives you more incoherent Neapolitano music and double the stolen prizes with Two-for-Tuesday!"

"When you hear us miss a double shot between 9 AM and 11 AM except during Classic Opera Lunch, be caller ten and you'll win Two-for-Tuesday Pizza Prize Pack. You can pick up your certificate at the station and stop at Giuseppe's Pizza and Pasta where Giuseppe, who is celebrating "forced-out-of-business" day, will be more than glad to accommodate you and 2 special friends!"

"Don't forget that after tomorrow is "No-Repeat-Thursday!"

"When you hear us play a double shot, be the first bank, post office, or gas station manager to call in and you'll win an all included fire and theft insurance policy from the professionals at Peppino's Insurance Company!"

"Let's get to our first dedication from Angelo who wanted to hear, "There's Not Enough Grappa To Get The Taste Of Your (bleep) Out Of My Mouth".

"Ciao!"

 

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Berlusconi Deeply Upset Over Taxes Paid

Rome - June 14 - Italy's center-right opposition leader Silvio Berlusconi, a champion of lower taxes, said on Thursday that he had to fork out 43 million Euros (about 57 million US Dollars) for the last fiscal year.

"Tell me about it," former prime minister Berlusconi told a craftsmen's union meeting when participants started grumbling about the tax burden they faced, according to a news agency.

"This morning, I wrote a check for 43 million Euros. That's what I paid for the last fiscal year," he added, without saying whether that was on his personal income or included taxes on businesses that he owns.

According to Forbes magazine, Berlusconi, who was prime minister of Italy from 2001-2006, is the 51st richest person in the world with a fortune estimated at 11,8 billion US Dollars.

"Cacchio!" What a tragedy! That chuckle-faced hump should count his lucky stars.
Why doesn't Italy's version of a shoeshine boy talk about the time breakfast was served cold?

He's a man who could have balanced the budget when he was prime minister...if he wasn't too busy picking his nose.

But it's our fault. Italy spawned him! We created him! Now it's too late. We can't abandon this lonely child.

43 million Euros, though...I think what he is trying to say is that he wants a country where everyone can afford facelifts.

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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