Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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June 2009
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"900 Years of Venetian Discrimination Comes To An End"

(06/29/09)

 

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Ohhh, sole mio! Welcome to the newsletter that believes Berlusconi's epic scandal is still to come. "Only In Italy!"

I don't receive your newsletter NO MORE! What happened? The mafia got to you, Bang-bang! I miss it very much. Please reply. Thank you. Anthony S.

"Buon giorno" to all our subscribers and a special thanks goes to Antonio for his concern.

We're sorry. It's true we've had a tough time in the past 2-3 years of keeping a normal publication schedule of our wacky newsletter. Even though we constantly continue researching and archiving all our news stories (currently up to date), along with the 5th grade prophetic comments, for various personal, professional, religious and stupid reasons we can never find the time nor energy to actually sit down in the same room to edit, publish and distribute the stupid newsletters. However, things are slowly but finally starting to turn around...

Regardless of the lazy summer days at hand, our staff has agreed on getting back together and giving it another go thanks to the recent introduction of somewhat acceptable DSL and wireless solutions that Sicily is experimenting with. Yes, we are slowly entering the tech age of 2002. How exciting, cazzo!

So our lovely readers, once again, we will be returning to normal distribution schedule within a few days. "Si-si, really!" We will also be updating and converting our site to a friendly blog format so that everyone will have a chance to have their say.

We've also been studying "la Twitter" to see what fun we could have with it with our readers. After all, isn't that the purpose of it? Is it supposed to be fun to "cinguettare"? (tweet?) How can we know? We're still celebrating our recent DSL hook-up!

Hmmm...Let's give it a try:

Example: milhaus12: Really putting tweetie to the test on my desktop and iphone, now that I'm managing 2 sports communities...
-> Eh? Italians can't afford a 619 Euro (875 USD) iphone along with the free tweetie software...you "testa di cazzo"!

Example: OnlyInItaly: "Fanculo", goat has the runs this morning and it looks like one of the mules has had it and is jumping ship.
-> What an adventure at less than 140 characters! Can't wait to see how it ends...

Follow us on "la Twitter" and keep up to date with our farm antics and breaking micro news stories on Italy. Oh, we'll also be giving away a bunch of Italian stuff via fun contests and trivia (exclusively through "la Twitter").

A special "grazie" goes out to our affiliate sites for the Italian stuff!  

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,             
"Only In Italy" Staff      


Italian Bishops Urge Politicians to Avoid the Limelight and Excesses

Rome - June 26, 2009 - The head of the Italian bishops conference CEI warned politicians on Friday the country wanted them to shun the limelight and avoid excesses.

In a message published by the Vatican daily Osservatore Romano, Cardinal Angelo Bagnasco said Italians and young people in particular wanted politicians to adopt "sound behavior" and to distance themselves from "din and the spotlight".

The cardinal made no direct reference to a media storm over Premier Silvio Berlusconi's private life in his speech at a CEI meeting in the southern city of Crotone. However, he voiced concern about the moral decline in the country, urging politicians to set an example for youngsters.

He called ordinary Italians "the silent multitude" who live each day "humbly and soundly" and best represent the country's essence.

Last month, the bishops conference publicly rapped Berlusconi and his wife Veronica Lario for feeding a marriage-ending spat to the media. A front-page editorial in a national newspaper, the bishops' daily, called for "a premier who, with sobriety, is able to be the mirror of his country's soul".

Leaders should largely be judged on their achievements, the newspaper said, "but the 'stuff' of a leader, his style and the values with which he concretely fills his life, are not inconsequential. They cannot be".

Bishops worrying about the moral decline of Italians and how politicians should conduct themselves. Mah...

To be serious for a moment; the cardinal is taking a rational road here but with the Italians, the bridge is out. The good cardinal forgets that the so-called moral decline is mindfully related to the Catholic Church. (Take it easy, fellow Catholics. "Calma!").

There's a sort of "mea culpa" in which it doesn't matter what you're up to, whether it's good or bad, as long as you profess your intention to improve. Italian Catholicism is all-embracing (katholikos: everyone is included), which simply means that everyone is forgiven or pardoned. There's nothing that a gentle nod towards the cassocks at Sunday Mass or judicial 'togas' can't resolve.

Italian politicians who spent their childhoods skinning animals and learning politics from a sick rooster and goat may be criminals, 99% will acknowledge as much along with the fact they are as dull as mussels, but it doesn't matter. Everything is whitewashed.

History, personal or political, is quickly forgotten.

 

Berlusconi: "Showgirls to All The Good Workers!"

Silvio BerlusconiRome - June 26, 2009 - The Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi has joked to workmen that if they succeed in rebuilding an earthquake-hit Italian town he will reward them by sending them showgirls.

Mr Berlusconi appeared to have recovered some of his characteristic ebullience after being buffeted by weeks of scandal over his personal life. Renowned for his love of sometimes inappropriate quips, he was in jovial mood when he visited L'Aquila, which was badly damaged by an earthquake on April 6.

Touring a construction site where new homes are being built for the 50,000 people who were left homeless by the quake, he joked to builders: "Where are the girls? I don't see any. In that case, I'll have to bring them next time I come".

Silvio Berlusconi triumphs in Italy's elections despite allegations Mr Berlusconi has repeatedly promised that the thousands of people now living in tented camps will be re-housed by the autumn, when cold weather returns to the upland region in the province of Abruzzo.

"Well boys, if all goes well, I'll really bring the showgirls," he said. "Otherwise, we'll all come across as gays."

He said that at the age of 72 he was too old to change and that in any case Italians like him just the way he is.

"People want me the way I am. [Italians] want me because I am good, generous, sincere, loyal and I carry out my promises," he said.

Mr Berlusconi's private life has been under scrutiny since early May, when his wife of 20 years, Veronica Lario, announced that she was fed up with him "consorting with under-age girls" and wanted a divorce.

Since then he has been linked with an 18-year-old lingerie model, been investigated for using government aircraft to fly starlets and actresses to his villa in Sardinia, and been accused of sleeping with a high-class call-girl at his mansion in Rome.

On Thursday he said his banter with the construction team was his way of reacting to "all the rubbish and falsehoods" that have been directed at him.

"Toot-toot, Cornuto!" Comedy train pulling in...

P.T. Barnum Berlusconi...Hard to believe he kept his pants on when he made the statement to the press.

"Well boys, if all goes well, I'll really bring the showgirls. Otherwise, we'll all come across as gays." Let me just write that his speech was beautiful! 90% of the earthquake homeless ran for cover, convinced the words were going to bring further tremors.

Ahhh...We're all here, no matter what we are; we're all searching for the truth and trying to make it through this unforgiving world. Correct? Well, everyone except our Berlusconi. He's making through it with a song and dance.

"People want me the way I am. [Italians] want me because I am good, generous, sincere, loyal and I carry out my promises." What a good heart in that feeble head. You know, it could be he's lying. Instead of his nose growing, his stomach grew; like Pinocchio gone bonkers.

 

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900 Years of Venetian Discrimination Comes To An End

Giorgia_BoscoloVenice - June 26, 2009 - After nine centuries of keeping women on dry land, Venice broke with tradition today by approving its first female gondolier.

Giorgia Boscolo, 23, a mother of two, came through a grueling course, which included 400 hours of instruction, to enter an all-male club that has resisted admitting women. "I am immensely happy and proud, but today my day starts like every other, taking the children to school," she said. "I've always loved gondolas and unlike my three sisters I preferred to row with my father instead of going out with my friends."

She denied that she would not have the physical strength to maneuver gondolas, saying: "Childbirth is much more difficult."

Venice introduced a gondoliering course in 2007 after centuries during which the trade was handed down from father to son.

Boscolo's father Dante, also a gondolier, said he still had reservations about his daughter ferrying tourists up the grand canal. "I still think being a gondolier is a man's job, but I am sure that with experience Giorgia will be able to do it easily," he said.

During the six-month course, students learn how to steer their gondolas and must show a perfect knowledge of Venice's canals.

Another woman taking the course, German-American Alexandra Hai, did not pass muster, despite having spent the last 12 years trying to become a gondolier.

Even before the launch of the official course, she took the gondoliers' test four times, blaming examiners for being "overly strict" when she failed. Hai, 42, won a court battle to be able to ferry hotel guests, despite having no official licence, and was employed by a hotel in Venice.

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Apart from learning how to maneuver a slow and skinny boat with a pole, there is much Giorgia had to learn before passing a gondoliering course. She had to learn how to hypnotize the pigeons (the tourists, not actual Venice pigeons) into believing:

- the 20 minute theme park ride they just took was a 40 minute, 16th century, adventure of love.

- she had to go the long way around because the Venice Dept of Transportation shut down a canal for excessive flooding.

- she knows which back canals to take in order to avoid tidal waves or Venice pirates.

"Childbirth is much more difficult." "Porca vacca", compared to avoiding getting fleeced by rat-bastard gondoliers, childbirth is a picnic!

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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