Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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June 2011
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"Kissing Arrested Mobsters On the Lips Is All the Rage In Naples"

(06/13/11)

 

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"Si, siamo ancora vivi." Welcome to the only newsletter that believes a good mother is worth a hundred teachers (unless she's an Italian escort), "Only In Italy!"

"Si", we're still alive and we're back. It's been a long while (6 months) and we're happy to be back. Many things have happened to us here in Sicily since you've last heard from us, some good, some so-so. Some of us wondered off into the woods, grew beards and a stomach, chopped wood, and milked goats. But we've always kept you in our minds.

Some of you may have noticed we've kept a strong presence going on our Twitter feed and Facebook page during our loooong writing hiatus, but we've felt it was time to get back to what we love to do most.

We're almost done with our new site and blog (yes, really). We're just 2-3 weeks away from our launch. In the meantime, we're going to do our best to get all of you back to enjoying the fun of reading "Only In Italy.     

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,             
"Only In Italy" Staff      


Gay Parade Hopes To Convert A Hissy Fit Italy

Rome - June 9, 2011 - Europe's main gay pride festival comes to Rome on Saturday with organizers hoping Lady Gaga's presence will help amplify their message of defiance against the Vatican and Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

The US singer is to address what organizers say will be over one million participants with a message of support for gay rights in Italy, which lacks legislation against homophobic attacks and does not allow gay civil unions.

"This is the most backward government Italy has had since World War II," said Paolo Patane, director of Arcigay, an activist group founded in the 1980s that is helping to organize the EuroPride parade in the Italian capital.

"It's a government in which the prime minister goes with underage girls but then says that Parliament will never approve legislation that contradicts the concept of the family promoted by the Vatican," he said.

Patane pointed out that the mass gathering in Rome also comes just days after Berlusconi suffered a major defeat in local elections and said he hoped it would help "push out this backward government."

The EuroPride parade will make its way through the city center and end with a concert and rally in the Circus Maximus, an ancient Roman arena.

Lady Gaga, who has Italian-American roots and has long lobbied for gay rights in the United States, is expected to sing her hit single Born This Way.

Vladimir Luxuria, the organizer of Italy's first gay pride festival in 1994 and a former member of Italy's parliament, said homophobia is on the rise.

"This Parliament is homophobic. The fish stinks from the head and we have a prime minister who is a gay-basher," said Luxuria, a transsexual who has just published a novel linking homophobia in World War II to the present day.

Berlusconi has long been notorious for his off-color quips and last year dismissed a sex scandal involving him with a homophobic comment saying: "It's better to be passionate about beautiful women than to be gay."

Activists quickly came up with a slogan printed on placards and T-shirts reading: "It's better to be gay than to be Berlusconi."

In another speech in 2007, Berlusconi boasted there were no gays in his party. "Don't be afraid. The gays are all on the other side," he said.

Berlusconi is on trial for paying for sex with a 17-year-old girl and then allegedly abusing the power of his office to try and cover it up. His former wife said she was divorcing him because he "frequents minors."

The prime minister has repeatedly denied all the accusations.

Asked to compare the current EuroPride festival to the first one that she organized, Luxuria said that while the numbers of people attending such events have increased drastically, Italy is still stuck in the past.

"I'm very sad that there are gay Italians who say they are forced to leave because they're gay," Luxuria said. She added: "Now the costumes are less provocative because the situation really is serious."

"Cacchio", what a welcome back! After a 6+ month hiatus, why do we have to start with the gay problem in Italy?

Gays, we're on your side. What's the point of being a heterosexual in Italy anymore? What are the benefits of being straight? So you can't get married in Italy yet. Big deal. If it was up to this news staff, we'd let you all float down to city hall and get married...so that you'd be in the same hell we are.

Understand that one of the reasons why the straight Italian population is homophobic is because we can't stand the fact that most of you are all good looking and that you can basically get any woman you desire. That sticks!

"This Parliament is homophobic. The fish stinks from the head and we have a prime minister who is a gay-basher," said Luxuria, a transsexual who has just published a novel linking homophobia in World War II to the present day.

Here are the problems with Luxuria's luxurious statement.

1) No one know what the hell is going in that Parliament anymore. One day they're defending a buffoon of a Prime Minister who is cavorting with a 17-year old ugly prostitute, the next they're claiming they wrestled a wild boar to save a vegetable crop.

2) Italy is very homo tolerant. The ancient sidewalks and streets of Rome you see have lasted for over 2000 years because Italian men float over them. They're all light in the feet.

3) How does an Italian Communist named Wladimiro Guadagno become a transsexual, change his name to Luxuria, and enter Italy's Parliament?

 

Clocks in Sicily Running Too Fast For Comfort

Messina - June 11, 2011 - For over a week digital clocks and watches in Sicily are complicating their owners by running more than 15 minutes fast, local media said.

The mysterious time changes caught the attention of two young locals, who set up a Facebook page calling for those affected to come forward.

One of the young men, Francesco Nicosia, told French online magazine Rue89 "I realized something was wrong when I started getting to work earlier. After some investigation I noticed that I wasn't the only one who was on time, which is quite rare here in Sicily."

Explanations involving aliens, poltergeists, volcanic activity on Mount Etna and solar explosions have been put forward. Among the most credible explanations is electrical disturbance caused by underwater cables.

Aliens? "Oh, minchia, where?!"
Poltergeist? "Porca puttana, they're here..."

Believe us, there is nothing more entertaining than watching Sicilians who pace themselves like slugs, get to work 15 minutes early, and think they've entered the Twilight Zone.

"Explanations involving aliens, poltergeists, volcanic activity on Mount Etna and solar explosions..." Is it a coincidence these explanations are also used as excuses by Sicilians for taking the day off?

"...clocks and watches in Sicily are complicating their owners by running more than 15 minutes fast." Yes, complications. You can't have Sicilians showing up early at their public state office jobs. What will the citizens think? It's already inspiring enough watching them work...sort of like watching the making of "Fantasia".

Ah, la Sicilia (like other Southern Italian regions), where 3 employees are hired for each public service job. The first guy, Moe, complains all day about how a solar explosion got him out of bed early. Larry's job is to watch Moe do a half-ass job while Curly stands around with that blank look on his face.

 

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Kissing Arrested Mobsters On the Lips Is All the Rage In Naples

Naples - June 11, 2011 - A kiss is just a kiss, perhaps. But what does a smooch mean when it's planted on the lips of an alleged mobster by another man?

Observers of Italy's organized crime syndicates have been trying to trying to figure out the meaning of the kiss earlier this week by a young man in a crowd of onlookers outside Naples police headquarters as Daniele D'Agnese was about to be hustled into a squad car.

Four men in their 20s told police they wanted to greet D'Agnese, considered by investigators to be Amato's bodyguard, before he was taken to jail, according to a local Naples paper, which quoted one of them as saying "we haven't seen him in two years."

Although police tried to move the four back from the entrance of the police headquarters while D'Agnese emerged, one pushed forward, and while photographers and videographers caught the moment, the man embraced D'Agnese, then planted a firm kiss on his mouth.

The local paper wrote that the kiss was an "obvious gesture to the eyes of clan rivals" that foot soldiers in the Amato-Pagano crime family would still be loyal, despite the arrests.

Many mob bosses continue to run their crime families from behind bars, through messages given to visiting spouses or children, prosecutors say.

The kiss might also be meant to signal reassurance to D'Agnese that his family would continue to be cared for while behind bars.

Also being puzzled over were the T-shirts both Amato and D'Agnese were wearing when arrested. Each sported a shirt with an image of James Dean, the late U.S. actor. A newspaper noted another alleged clan member, Cesare Pagano, was also wearing a James Dean T-shirt when arrested a few months ago.

Some comments on Italian web sites have interpreted the shirt choice as being a way for mobsters to show they're all in the same clan, while others wondered if they were trying to identify with an actor whose roles depicted youthful rebellion and boldness.

What a touching story; a Napolitano crime family split up. You never read about things like this.

Remember, we're all here, no matter who we are (Romans, Sicilians, Calabrese, Eskimos). We're all searching for the truth and trying to make it through this unforgiving world. Correct? Si? Well...everyone except the Napolitani. They claim to know the truth.

We'll bet you never knew they can be so affectionate and friendly in Naples. Haven't you ever noticed the smiles the Napolitani give when they pick your pockets?

What is disturbing in all this is why the Naples police stand around like lummoxes while these soap operas go on. Who do they think make up the majority of onlookers who wait outside police headquarters all day? Eh? Throw an eggplant and you'll hit 7 suspects.

Is the police waiting till it gets to the point where these onlookers start pulling down pants?

The cops have to load their guns and fire recklessly at these amorous Napolitani! Take these people, push their faces into the car engine, and have them kiss the radiator fan while the car is running. Let's all have a good laugh.

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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