Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.

Only In Italy is a daily news column that translates & reports on funny but true news items from legitimate Italian news sources in Italy.
Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.Only in Italy is a daily news column that reports funny and weird news on Italy, the mafia, Italian culture and Italian travel.
 
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April 2007
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  "Depressed and Loving It"

(04/12/07)

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"Volare! OOOOH-OH!" Welcome to the only newsletter that asks the question, "Is it part of our DNA that we wear sunglasses inside and after dark?"

Well, well...I can see you are not living in the wonderful Rome, but in the wonderful Agrigento. It shows, since the complaints you attribute to your faithful Italian-American reader have nothing to do with life in Rome! It's much more likely he hates low salaries, prohibitely expensive life, overcharged buses, paltry public transportation, crazy traffic and parking...it would take too much to describe everything.

Still, it may be worse...I could live in Naples! Keep up the great work! Francesco (actually LOVING Rome, Naples and most of Italy)

Thanks for the message, Cicio!

Naples, Rome, Agrigento, the zoo; it doesn't matter where you roam in Italy. You have to love this land.

Caress our gorgeous lack of basic social skills, adore our cute stubbornness and insistency, hug our affectionate lack of punctuality and dream of our food, wine and corruption.

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,             
"Only In Italy" Staff      


Man Trades House Arrest For Jail

Naples - April 4, 2007 - A Neapolitan man is happily back in jail after convincing authorities at the second attempt that prison is preferable to life at home.

"Thank goodness they've let me back inside. I couldn't stand it any more," said Franco Natale, 37, a petty thief.

Natale was sentenced to a year's house arrest at the end of March. Less than a week later he sneaked out of the house and rushed to the nearest police station, on the run from what he called "domestic madness".

Natale begged to be put back behind bars but police turned a deaf ear to his pleas and took him back to his wife. Another violent argument propelled him outdoors a few hours later and a police patrol looked kindlier on his plight.

He was taken before a judge who finally granted his appeal to serve his time where he wanted, among his fellow prisoners in Naples' Pioggioreale prison, one of Italy's toughest.

Natale is not the first Italian criminal to trade home for jail. There were two cases in 2004 and one in 2002, all in Sicily.

"Ohhh, porca puttana!" What a terrible story! We cant believe a Napolitano family split up. You never read about things like that, do you?

What exactly was Franco's definition of "domestic madness"? There are many degrees:

- Does it mean she did not let him pick the TV channel to some incredibly entertaining, Italian variety show?
- Does it mean she smacked him around like pizza dough because his face looked like it belonged in some racist cartoon?
- Could it be she hadn't made fresh tomato sauce in over 3 years?
- Could it be she could no longer stand his roaming around Naples with wear his shirt half-buttoned and cheap Napolitano aftershave?

Add 1/2 a pound of fresh Naples to the "domestic madness" recipe and you will have a tasty and fruity nut cake!

When Franco ventures out of his home-sweet-home and into the jungles of Naples...the adventure begins!

You are in just as much danger of being killed walking down the sidewalk as you are lying in the middle of the street. Wild stray human beings and animals aside, the sidewalks are fair game for soccer balls, silly string, soap suds and anything on two wheels and sometimes cars, if they feel they have wasted enough time in traffic (When Italy passed a mandatory seatbelt law, it was the Napolitanos that produced T-shirts with the images of shoulder belts stenciled on them).

The tamest thing in that Naples is Vesuvius...and Franco would agree!

 

1/4 Of Italians Risk Depression

Milan - April 4, 2007 - One in four Italians runs the risk of becoming clinically depressed, according to Italian psychiatrists who are launching a bid to flush out those who fail to see the signs of the illness.

According to official diagnoses, some 10% of Italians are affected by depression but experts believe the real figure is much higher, probably around 25%. With this in mind, psychiatrists, doctors and pharmaceuticals experts have worked out a detailed questionnaire which aims to help family doctors spot people who are sliding into depression.

The document makes use of indicators such as the level of attention paid to personal appearance, efficiency at work, use of pharmaceuticals and pains without a clear source.

"An early diagnosis can be fundamental for people with depression who can face and cure the disease before it deteriorates and becomes hard to treat," said Mariano Bassi, head of the national psychiatrists' association.

Q: Over the past two weeks, have you been feeling low in energy or slowed down?
A: Yes! I can no longer bring paper bombs, tear gas, Molotov cocktails and riot gear to my favorite soccer team games.

Q: Over the past two weeks, have you been blaming yourself for things?
A: Yes! I forgot to delete my lover's SMS messages from one of my 3 cell phones.

Q: Over the past two weeks, have you had poor appetite?
A: Yes! I've only been eating 4 of the 5 courses my mother prepares daily for my wife, kids and I.

Q: Over the past two weeks, have you had difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep?
A: Yes! I don't know whether to claim 18,000 or 20,0000 Euros for taxes on my wife's jewelry store.

Q: Over the past two weeks, have you been feeling hopeless about the future?
A: Yes! I don't think I'll be able add another floor on my second beach home in Capri.

Q: Over the past two weeks, have you been feeling blue?
A: Yes! I don't think I'll ever be as cunning and sly as Berlusconi.

Q: Over the past two weeks, have you been feeling no interest in things?
A: Yes! I'm starting to lose interest in my beloved political party because they won't help my 23 year old jackass son get hired as a University professor.

Q: Over the past two weeks, have you had feelings of worthlessness?
A: Yes! The airline I manage is losing 60,000 Euros an hour but the board of directors feels I only deserve a 60,000 Euro annual raise.

 

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Depressed Napolitano Riders Avoid Fines

Naples - April 3, 2007 - Naples' ever-resourceful scooter riders have found a new way to get out of fines for not wearing helmets: claiming they're depressed.

A rash of very similar cases, at least ten, have occurred over the last two weeks, local newspapers reported Tuesday.

The young offenders have been trooping into courts armed with doctor's certificates stating they are "depressed or under unusual stress," it said. Sympathetic judges have quashed a string of fines and other penalties. Police in the sprawling southern city, which is noted for its chaotic traffic, are worried.

"The way things are going they'll be letting them off if they say they have a headache," said top traffic cop Carlo Schiettini.

"We strongly suspect these are copycat cases. We've got to stop the rot".

The deputy head of Naples' justices of the peace, Antonello Di Rienzo, denied there was a worrying pattern to recent sentences. "Every case is assessed on its merits," he claimed. Naples is famous in Italy for the quick wits of some law-avoiding citizens.

"Che palle!"

Depression? Why don't they just say a tourist stole it? That would send the Naples traffic cops into the "twilight zone" (play the theme music in your mind).

"No no, you don't understand. I am depressed. Mamma overcooked the spaghetti in 1998 and it traumatized me."

These little Napolitano rats should be beaten and fined every time they reach for their scooter keys.

Naples: They should declare it a foreign country, like Afghanistan, and then invade and try to civilize it. Send aid every once in a while just to calm their politicians down.

 

Julian - Julius Caesar's cousin
 
 
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